I think the full reality of the situation has finally sunk in. Between Sheri's one working ovary, fibroids and endo, and my diminished ovarian reserve and lowered whateverthehellitwas levels, we are probably not going to manage to conceive. Not to mention, one donor crapped out on us without so much as a word, three guys who had agreed to donate for us ducking out and our current donor being rather hard to peg down donations with due to being out of town when we ovulate (granted last month we ovulated a day early and managed to catch that cycle, but had that not happen we wouldn't have made it. It seems like the odds are too stacked against us. At what point does one give up on hope of having a child?
We have considered trying to find a friend to surrogate for us. Unfortunately it's a huge thing to ask. We can't afford to do traditional surrogacy with a "professional" surrogate. If we could afford that, we would just do IVF on one of us, but I'll come back to that. We would have to find one of our friends willing to carry for us using her own egg and a donor's sperm, but how do you ask someone to do that? Ask them to not only carry a child for you, hijack their lives for a full gestation period, deal with all that comes with it...but to ask them to lend us her genetic makeup as well, a part of her own body? We grudgingly managed to ask, but don't really expect it to bear fruit, so to speak.
On to our only real chance for carrying ourselves, IVF. I posted back..oh, a while ago. I don't remember the date, really. The past two years has kind of blurred together in a mess of sadness and disappointment in that regard. Anyway, we were told by the reproductive endocrinologist that it was probably our only chance. We had everything all schedule to start, and then we found out that our insurance wouldn't cover the procedure for us because they would only cover it if the sperm used was from one of our husbands. Which, obviously, we don't have. With the procedure costing upwards of 15 grand plus 2-4 grand more for medication and 400 for the anesthesia, (all this is PER ATTEMPT) there's no way we can pay it out of pocket. A loan would be a possibility, except that we have a mortgage and recently had to take on a car note and there's no way in hell we'd get approved for a loan.
It's a huge, hard thing to accept that your own body isn't capable of doing the one thing humans are put here to do. Even harder to know that, in my case, had I not been responsible when I was younger, I would have likely been able to get pregnant, but instead I was safe and careful and responsible. And now, we pay for that good deed.
